The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

November. Just another month and this shitty year will be behind me. Hopefully 2024 will be a better year. I thought 2022 was the worst year of my life. It still is but running close behind it is this year. I did more personal reflection than I wanted to. I had to really journey deep inside myself. I found no real answers, but I survived. Some may say that is something to be proud of, but I am not sure. Being alive means facing my demons over and over again on some sort of nightmarish loop from hell. I've made it this far may as well continue until even the darkness that surrounds my soul is lost.

I don't know what the future holds for me anymore. It's been argued I have some sort of deeper, meaningful purpose I am supposed to step in for. Whatever the reason, I no longer care.

Health wise, I am getting stronger. I'm still broken but so far it hasn't defeated me. Mental wise, I have my moments. I am not self harming. So that's a win in my book. I am still in a solitude isolation. I feel like maybe I shouldn't return to interacting with people for a while still. Financial wise I am doing the best I can without selling myself or soul.

As I take this journey I can't guarantee it will be easy. I can't promise I'll keep in touch. I have no idea if anyone reads my journal, but I will do my best to make appearances here. My journal has become my best friend. Every written word even the bitchy ones have been formed from the bleeding of my soul. This journal is the closest anyone will be to me. The person behind the pleasant mask I wear is real within these words.

I can't say I am searching for there to be light in my life. At this point the darkness is my friend. The shadows have become family. The broken shards of my soul have kept me alive. The pain and misery keeps me fighting.

I have accepted myself as my own hero, villain and the glue to keep myself together. Come what may. 2024 is not going to break me when the other years have tried and failed. I refuse to be shattered. I may not be whole and some parts of me is damaged beyond recognition but I won't give up. No matter how tempting it would be to give death a hug for finally coming for me.